Finding Confidence in Your Relationship Status: Part II
Confidence in your relationship status doesn’t always come easy. It’s normal, and in fact, almost a rite of passage to feel insecure about being single. Especially if you're a woman in her twenties. Or thirties. Or forties. Or really a woman at any age who has grown up in an environment that prioritizes coupledom.
But there are ways to not only enjoy the single time, but for it to help you find confidence and grow into even more of the person you were meant to be.
While I haven’t struggled as much as some of my friends with insecurity around being single, I recognize some specific things happened that made me more resilient. I’ll share these tactics for finding confidence in your relationship status below:
6 Ways To Ditch The Insecurity of Singledom:
Spend time alone. It’s far past time to learn to like yourself. So to do that, you have to spend time with you.
I first did this when I took a trip to Austria to present research findings I’d been working on for a psychology convention. It was my first big international trip. I was doing it solo. This was also during a time when international calls and texts were a bazillion dollars a minute, so I had little safety net or connection back to friends and family overseas. I didn’t speak the language and felt very alone.
I knew, though, that I still had to make it happen. So in the morning, I would ask myself, “Okay, self, how are we going to get breakfast?” And then I would let my intuition guide me. It turned out that asking myself questions and following my desires turned out to be some of the best kinds of fun.
Schedule some uninterrupted time with you. This doesn’t mean numbing out, calling friends, or scrolling through Facebook. Spend time with YOU. Take yourself on a date. Take yourself on a walk. Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror and appreciating the parts of your body and what they do for you every day. Go to a dance class and move in your body. Throw a dance PARTY for yourself in your kitchen. Draw, color, paint. Ask yourself questions. Take yourself on a trip, by yourself. Ask yourself how you want to spend your time - no matter where it leads you. I recently bought myself a llamas and sloths coloring book, which I display proudly on our coffee table. You’ll find that the more time you spend with yourself, the more confidence you gain.
Journal. This was also a practice I started in Austria. Because I couldn’t text or call my friends, I first started journaling so I could remember things I wanted to share with them when I got back. It quickly turned into such a cathartic release. And it became fun to go back and see what had been SUCH a BIG deal that was no longer even a worry. Journaling not only helps dump the gunk from your brain: it’s also a great way to commemorate your progress.
Jot down your value add. I can’t tell you the number of times I hear people say, “Well, I’m not really good at anything.” It’s such a throwaway statement and a throwaway of your inherent value.
Do you make the best chocolate chip cookies? Are you great with people? Can you recite every line from Top Gun? It doesn’t matter how superfluous the “thing” might be; you have things to offer the world. It’s good for your confidence to know what those are.
Figure out where you derive your self-worth. If you’re constantly chasing a relationship, you may find that you connect your worth with being part of a couple.
I realized I derived a lot of my self-worth from my career, my output, and the praise I received from others. While I didn’t derive worth from being in a relationship, I did get a boost whenever others “approved” of my date choices. All of this, as great as it may feel in the moment, is futile, because it’s completely outside of your control. Confidence comes from within: not from external things, like people’s opinions, or your job.
Start reaffirming your own worth. Tell yourself you’re doing a good job. Add more things to your value add list. Write down one thing each day you appreciate about yourself, your body, your choices, and how you’re growing. The more you write down, the more confidence you’ll see blossoming. If you’re stuck in a bind, repeat the mantra, “I have always found a way, and I trust I will be guided to the right path,” or something similar that brings you peace.
Boom, baby: 6 ways to help you feel more confident about, and thoroughly enjoy, the experience of being single.
What ways have you found helped you in that season of your life? I’d love to hear!
