How neutral emotions can be key to overcoming insecurity
You see it all the time on social media: posts about overcoming insecurity that say something like, “Feeling down? Stuck in a comparison trap? Here’s what you can do right now to turn that frown upside down!”
The post is usually then followed by a piece of advice like:
-Make a gratitude list
-Journal prompts for overcoming insecurity
-Practice self-care
-Do something nice for others
-Overcome insecurity by faking it ‘til you make it
And while these pieces of advice aren’t bad per se, they're not effective and can actually be harmful when you’re feeling so low, so inadequate, so unstable that you’re questioning everything about your worth.
And in fact, hearing someone tell you that’s “all” that you need to do will probably pull you further into that negative emotion. (Ever have someone tell you to calm down when you’re angry? It’s exactly like that but with insecurity instead of rage).
Journaling, practicing self-care, or making a gratitude list can all be great mood-boosting activities if you’re in a place to receive them. Much like once you’ve calmed down from anger, you can hear someone else’s point of view on the situation.
But we can’t reach those positive emotional spaces by trying to reverse from feeling negative to immediately experiencing the opposite emotions. This is why my whole approach to help people with cultivating confidence and overcoming insecurity starts with neutrality. If you tried to go directly from reverse to third gear, you would drop out the engine of your vehicle. That’s why, whether shifting gears in your car or shifting gears in your emotions, we must first go to neutral.
When we’re in an emotionally neutral place, we have more opportunity, freedom, and ability to move ourselves more sustainably up the emotional ladder. And if we then decide to “take a leap” towards a stronger emotion than we currently feel, it’s not as big of a jump as, say, going from feeling insecure to feeling grateful.
Overcoming insecurity starts with the small steps. If our normal temperature setting is feeling insecure, the first step to gaining sustainable and authentic confidence is to shift ourselves slightly up the emotional ladder to neutrality.
From neutral, we can do anything. We gain consistent confidence and overcome insecurity by experiencing neutrality in our emotions.
I’m excited and grateful to help you get there.
